I have recently returned home after a one week stay at the hospital. This was my first hospitalization and it was a very interesting experience. I can't say that it was either good or bad. I found support in many of the other patients, but didn't find very much help from the staff. I will refrain from saying where I stayed at, but I found it interesting that I was not asked to evaluate my stay when others were. I find myself to be a bit more vocalized than some others and I think that perhaps they realized that.
Coming home has been a wake up call. As I feared, I essentially was hiding from the situation out here, and everything was waiting for me when I came home, but I had hoped that I would be able to ease into the situations. Some I have been able to, some I haven't. Being a parent is not something that can be done part time, I realize now. Especially when the other parent works on the weekends. I do have alternative support, but it seems that they are only available at certain times and I am left to manage on my own when I don't feel that I have learned any real coping skills in the week that I was in the hospital. I am hoping that the Partial Hospitalization Program that I am now involved with will provide me with better skills, because I really need to find some coping skills. I have found that NAMI will be a big help and I am signed up for their peer to peer class starting in April. If you are someone diagnosed with a mental illness and live in the Kenosha/Racine area I highly recommend trying to get in to the class. It will be a huge benefit for your recovery. You can contact Luann or Lynelle at 262-637-6200. It is on Wednesdays from 1-3:30 pm in Racine from April 6th - June 8th. I hope to see you there.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Step One
The First step in addiction is That we admit we are powerless over debt (shopping) - That our lives have become unmanagable. I have to admit that this one is hard. I don't like being powerless over anything so I have to believe that I can get my power back, the question is how....maybe these steps will see the way.
Here are the questions that were posted:
1. What does it mean to be powerless over shopping that you are unable to manage life?
It means that I am in deep shit. That I am afraid to even leave my house, but even that is not enough because the internet now provides me with a means, though it is not instant gratification and that does help some. It means that I am letting some of my duties go to the wayside and forgetting about important things.
2. How far do you have to go to hit bottom? Do you shop alone so no one can see how much you are spending? Do you hide items so no one will know you you've been shopping?
I have to go pretty low. We filed bankruptcy this year because of my spending debt. I have a need that is like an awful scratch that must be itched, but instead I itch it until it bleeds. I prefer shopping alone or with my kids, they are good and don't say anything as long as I buy them something, which I fear is going to perpetuate the addiction to another generation. I do hide items, but my husband is observant as well as my mom so they usually catch me.
3. Have you ever felt like trying to use self will to control your shopping is like trying to put a fire out with gasoline? Explain.
YES!!!! When my cards were taken away, the urge became 10 times worse. I feared that I would actually need something and not have the money for it....No that is not true. I feared that I would find something that I believed I absolutely had to have - like an amazing pair of boots that were on sale for an unbeatable price and I wouldn't be able to get them.
There you have it. I am powerless. Don't like it, won't stand for it, but I have to figure out how to get the power back. Check back next Monday for step 2
Here are the questions that were posted:
1. What does it mean to be powerless over shopping that you are unable to manage life?
It means that I am in deep shit. That I am afraid to even leave my house, but even that is not enough because the internet now provides me with a means, though it is not instant gratification and that does help some. It means that I am letting some of my duties go to the wayside and forgetting about important things.
2. How far do you have to go to hit bottom? Do you shop alone so no one can see how much you are spending? Do you hide items so no one will know you you've been shopping?
I have to go pretty low. We filed bankruptcy this year because of my spending debt. I have a need that is like an awful scratch that must be itched, but instead I itch it until it bleeds. I prefer shopping alone or with my kids, they are good and don't say anything as long as I buy them something, which I fear is going to perpetuate the addiction to another generation. I do hide items, but my husband is observant as well as my mom so they usually catch me.
3. Have you ever felt like trying to use self will to control your shopping is like trying to put a fire out with gasoline? Explain.
YES!!!! When my cards were taken away, the urge became 10 times worse. I feared that I would actually need something and not have the money for it....No that is not true. I feared that I would find something that I believed I absolutely had to have - like an amazing pair of boots that were on sale for an unbeatable price and I wouldn't be able to get them.
There you have it. I am powerless. Don't like it, won't stand for it, but I have to figure out how to get the power back. Check back next Monday for step 2
onionmania
Onionmania, you say? It actually is the addiction to shopping and I have it, bad. Asked anyone around me. I begged my husband to take away my debit cards and then snuck behind his back and wrote a check for cash. I can't control it. They say that is the way with addiction, but I am not going to just sit back and let this thing rule me. I am capable and should be able to leave my house without being afraid of my car turning into a shopping parking lot "against my will." So today, I am starting a 12 step program. I guess it is a lot like that for AA but we will focus on shopping. I hooked up with this website that has a support group on it and invited friends and family and even my therapist to watch me grow. It's called http://www.dailystrength.org. I'm under the shoppaholic group. So once a week I am going to come on here and answer questions that this one woman posts that goes with each step. It's gonna be brutal and honest. So be prepared.
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